Through Sickness and Health: God’s Available Grace with Dana Bryant, MEd, CCC-SLP

A Little About Me

I’m originally from “Sweet Home Alabama” but school and work has taken me to Georgia, Tennessee, and now where I reside— the DC, Maryland, Virginia area. I grew up not with the strongest relationship with God. Heck, I would say I really didn’t even know who God truly was until I was about 16 years old. But when I found out, I quickly gave my life to Christ.

I was so in love with the Lord in college. Didn’t really participate in many typical college activities. I kept to myself, worked two jobs, went to school full time, and went to church. I also was in a serious relationship all throughout college so that took up any free time I had. I considered myself a “good girl”. Someone who was checking off all the boxes, making my family proud, doing everything I was SUPPOSED to do to please God and everyone around me.

Encountering Illness

So when my first semester of grad school came around and I visited home for Thanksgiving and my gynecologist mentioned the words “fibroids” and “surgery” soooo many emotions came.

Anger, confusion, frustration. I felt all those things enduring a full myomectomy over Christmas break of my first year of grad school in 2010. It was a physical and mentally difficult season for me. But as I look back on it, it was also a spiritually trying time for me as well. I stopped going to church. I stopped praying. I gave reasons like “I’m too busy with grad school” or “I haven’t found a church I like yet” but the truth is, I didn’t want to commune with God. I was mad at Him.

Why is This Happening???

I had been a good girl— a perfectionist.

All my friends and family even said it. I excelled in everything I did. How could God let this happen to me? And while I was away for the first time, all by myself? Fathers don’t do that to their children. Or do they? Of course, I never had these revelations actually in the moment. Hindsight in 2020. I was just getting through that tough season the best I thought I could. I was in straight survival mode– trying to graduate and stay out of doctor’s offices. Point blank period.

But years later, I begin to see how distant I became during that season. I pulled away from God when actually, that was a time to lean in and become closer to Him than ever. To understand Him better. To understand that He doesn’t require perfection. To understand that He doesn’t operate on the reward based system that I learned in school (work hard, do good, and good things will always happen). To understand that His ways to teaching me things are far greater than I could ever understand.

“His ways are not our ways and His thoughts are not our thoughts”, right?— Isaiah 55:8-9

The Repeat Test

This season has felt like a repeat test. I’m faced with the same and more women’s health issues than ever before. I have repeated doctor visits, ER visits, procedures, labs done. And I feel like I’ve tried more medicines than I can count.

I could get upset. I could be mad at God again. I could pull away. But I promised myself I will never fail the same test twice. I’ve declared that this time will be different– and it has been so far.

I am both leaning in to God and I am doing my part to be proactive about my health. Everything isn’t in my control. I am aware of that. But some things are. So I’m doing my research, asking my doctors more questions, making diet and lifestyle changes. I’m praying and asking my friends and family to pray for me too. I’m not isolating myself. I am continuing to pray and study.

I’m realizing my life with reoccurring uterine fibroids and Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome isn’t a punishment– it’s an opportunity. An opportunity to grow, learn, and help others who may be going through similar issues. I thought this type of stuff was something to be ashamed of but I’m learning that it isn’t. It’s a call to action. Time for me to “do the work” and “pray the prayers”.

God is still with me. I am heard. I am seen. I am loved. He didn’t do this TO me. He’s doing this FOR me. So I can be a blessing to someone else. And that my friends, is a lesson of a lifetime.

Encountering Grace

Never really understood Grace until a few years ago. I mean I did everything I was big and bad enough to do to turn my back to God during that difficult season in my life. All because I thought God had turned His back on me.

But He didn’t and He never will. It’s such a mystery to grasp. This concept of Grace. Hard for many humans to wrap their brains around, including me at times. We are so used to “earning” things and “striving” for things that the idea that God freely gives grace is mind blowing. Just like the story of the prodigal son in the Bible— God is always there to welcome us back into His loving arms. There is no “mess up” that Christ’s blood can’t cover. And knowing this pushes me to run towards Him when things get hard or when I’m upset– not pull away.

My Encouragement to You

Three things:

1. Perfection is a myth– its okay to live “imperfectly ever after”

2. When you want to pull away from God, that’s when its time to lean in the most

3. Grace is available. It always has been and always will be. Does your heart have space for it?

Stay Lifted,

Dana