Always Too Much, Never Quite Enough

This was supposed to be the Valentine’s Day post, but I decided against it because I wanted you to be happy and not so introspective. I think today is a better day to release this one. So let’s get real…

I’ve never been THAT girl. You know the one. The one who had it easy in relationships.

I was the friend on the side. The one who wasn’t given a second glance. Then to add insult to injury, I was the one guys liked to play with emotionally. 🤦🏽‍♀️

As I look at my romantic history, I realize this type of interaction has been apart of an unhealthy cycle.

Here’s what I’ve learned (and still have to put into practice).

1. You and I are enough.

Yup I said it. And honestly, I don’t care who made you feel otherwise.  Who you are RIGHT NOW is good enough. The right person will see that.

If you’re anything like me, you’ve asked yourself, “Why wasn’t I good enough?” But that’s the wrong question.

Here’s the truth I’m not supposed to say aloud…

Think about it. You’ve met people that were not what you needed and you knew it. Some of these people were great, but they just weren’t right for you. So understand that another person’s failure to choose you as their partner has nothing to do with your intrinsic worth. It’s more about what they need or desire.

So literally, it’s not you, it’s them.

2. I can’t afford to brain dump and neither can you.

Do not immediately forget what you’ve learned. Learn from previous experiences so that you will recognize when they come up again. The enemy is not creative, he recycles the same temptation to ensnare you. Remember, lessons often build upon themselves. What you learned in a previous season may help you navigate the next.

3. We have to guard our hearts

I had always heard about guarding my heart, but it was not until recently that I realized I did not know how to apply this principle to certain areas of my life. If you are anything like me, your heart allows you to easily love and welcome people with open arms not recognizing everyone is not meant to walk with you.

Your heart is precious and it should be protected at all costs. Allowing people and things into it that shouldn’t be there can leave you hard hearted.

God created that beautiful heart of yours and He doesn’t want the cares of this world to harden it.

Practical Tips for Guarding your Heart

• Seek clarity if there is confusion (i.e. no more SITUATIONSHIPS).

• Set boundaries. This means we aren’t spending all day and night at each other’s homes. We aren’t texting or having phone calls all hours of the day and night either without some form of commitment.

• Do not overshare. This includes sharing your body, intimate life experiences, hurts, and pains with people who have not proven they are trustworthy. (i.e. you should not be sharing your whole life story on the first encounter or having sex before marriage.)

• Do not entertain friendships when you know you or the other person want more.

• Give things time. People often reveal themselves in time.

• You are not one of many options. You are the first and only choice.

• Recognize your own unhealthy patterns.

• Receive validation from God and God alone.

• Pray and accept God’s responses on a matter. If He says no, then the person is a no.

• PAY ATTENTION TO RED FLAGS when they arise.

• Let people go.

So congratulations you made it through another Valentine’s Day! You may still be single but at least you’re not with the wrong person.

Let’s Pray

Dear Father, thank you that we are enough. Thank you for every closed door. Give us proper perspective. Father, Give us discernment straight from the Holy Spirit. The closed door has nothing to do with our unworthiness, it has everything to do with our infinite value. It has everything to do with your love for us. You see the end from the beginning so we trust your guidance. Thank you for wanting better for your daughters and sons than we want for ourselves. Thank you for healing our broken hearts. Replace our sorrow and discontentment with understanding Father. May your truth seep down deep into our hearts and souls. We love You. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Before you go, do me a favor and share a tip below on what you’ve learned about guarding your heart.

Biggest hugs,

Ayanna