My Story
As children, we are often asked, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” I’m guessing this question is there to help us plan and set goals for our life. It helps us look to the future and begin to prepare, right?
Nothing in this world can ever prepare you for becoming a mother.
I grew up the youngest of two girls. My mother made it look effortless.
She worked full-time, but always managed to cook, clean, and never missed a beat. She was sure to support everyone in the family whether it was my dad’s basketball game, my sister’s cheerleading competition, or one of my volleyball games. Everyone in my family had activities and somehow, my mother was there for all of us.
Looking back, I have no idea how she made it look so easy.
I always knew that one day I would have a family and career. After finishing pharmacy school, I moved back to my hometown. I began my career and got married soon thereafter.
My journey into motherhood happened quickly and unexpectedly.
My Plan vs. God’s Plan
According to my plan, children would come a few years after marriage, but God laughs at our plans. I found out I was pregnant a few months before our upcoming wedding. Honestly, I was more consumed with figuring out how I would fit into my dress than being a mother. I remember being mad and upset, wondering what people would think of me being pregnant BEFORE getting married.
I couldn’t feel the excitement of pregnancy, but my life changed the second my son took his first breath.
My son was born six weeks early and stayed in the NICU thirty-five long days and nights. When I tell you God laughs at our plans, this was one of those times again. There are no words to comfort you in the moment you have to leave the hospital without your baby.
God Answers Prayer
It was during this time that I learned the power of a praying mother. I literally fell to my knees, weeping and praying for my son to be healed. God’s grace had shielded me from so much in my lifetime that I honestly never felt I needed prayer. I had been blessed with an easy life up until this point.
My faith had never been tested.
James 1:2-4 taught me that I needed this test of faith to mature and produce perseverance.
My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.
James 1:2-4 NKJV
Needless to say, God answered all of my prayers and then some. The NICU stay allowed me the time to actually learn how to take care of a baby.
I had never changed a diaper until the day my son was born. The nurses walked me through how to feed him, change him, bathe him, etc. While I struggled with his hospital stay, God was using this time to prepare me for what was to come. A short 17 months later, my second son, entered the world.
Seeing God’s Grace in My Children
God’s grace can be defined as “the love and mercy given to us by God because God desires us to have it, not necessarily because of anything we have done to earn it.” I see the grace of God in my boys each day. We think as parents that we do all of the teaching. However, I learn so much from my boys. The unconditional love my sons have for me is unmatched.
No matter how many times my patience wears thin and I lose my cool, they still love me. They have such forgiving hearts. This is exactly how God loves us. I don’t deserve the precious lives He has entrusted to me. I’m so grateful for the opportunity to mother and nurture them.
God is teaching me that I am enough.
Motherhood has not been an easy journey for me. I work full-time as a pharmacist which means late nights and weekends. Work-life balance is easily the biggest challenge I face. Being a working mother, I struggle with mom-guilt.
I often wonder if my sons will ever look at me the way I view my mother.
I don’t get to prepare home-cooked meals daily or tuck them in every night. Will they grow up thinking I worked too much? My hardest days are knowing someone is caring for my sick child while I’m at work. There have been times I have literally cried driving to work and had to clear my face to tackle the day.
I couldn’t do it without our village. We have my parents and close family friends who fill in the gap. I know our boys are surrounded by people who truly love and care for them when my husband and I are working. This gives me peace when I am struggling.
God has been showing me that I am equipped for motherhood. Even if I stumble, He will always be there to help me.
Encouragement
If you are a mother who is struggling, I would like to leave you with these scriptures to meditate on.
“God makes his people strong. God gives his people peace.”
Psalm 29:11 MSG
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:6-7 NIV
“Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.”
Ephesians 3:20 NLT
Your friend,
Paige
