Singleness.
A subject that I know oh too well, but often shy away from speaking on. Even after spending the past four years on this journey, I would much rather act as though it’s not really a thing (or more specifically, not really MY thing) and keep it moving. Isn’t it funny though that we can happily post about getting married yet begrudgingly post about being single? Why is that? If God has us here in the middle of a single season, it has to be for a reason.
My Story.
For as long as I can remember, I have had my life completely planned out. I knew what age I wanted to be when I got married. I even knew the ages that I wanted to be when I had my first child and my last. So just imagine the disappointment when I watched those ages come and go…and I was still single.
Year One of being single was pretty okay. Maybe because I used to think that I would only be single for a year and then my Prince Charming would come and sweep me off of my feet. Obviously that was MY plan and not God’s. I remember resorting back to writing lists in this particular season. This time though, my lists didn’t state what age I would be when various things happened, but what traits and characteristics I desired in a mate.
Years Two and Three are nearly a blur now, but I know that my focus was to simply better myself. I figured that the best way to attract a desirable person was to become a desirable person. Of the things that I listed as desiring in a spouse, could I say that I embodied those traits as well?
For Year Four, I decided to take further steps towards becoming whole. My parents divorced when I was very young so I never saw a happy, healthy marriage in my home. Had their divorce affected me at all? What areas of my life had I swept under a rug that I actually needed to deal with? What does God say about love and marriage? These are simply examples of a few questions that I’ve spent this past year attempting to answer.
Three things that I’ve learned in this season:
- I am NOT my relationship status. In previous years, I’ve questioned my looks and even my worth based on the mere fact that I was single. God tells me that I am fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14), but I had to choose to believe that. I’ve learned that although I’m not a wife and mom yet, I am no less beautiful and God does not love me less than those who are married.
- God’s plan will always be better than my own. Jeremiah 29:11 reminds me that He has plans to prosper me and not to harm me, plans to give me a hope and a future. He even states that He will do exceeding, abundantly, above all that I can ask or think (Ephesians 3:20). My singleness didn’t catch God by surprise. There is so much purpose in this season. And if God is making me wait, that can only mean that my future spouse will be SO worth the wait.
- There is grace right here in the middle of my singleness. If I can be honest, I’m not always content in this season. My level of contentment comes in waves. Most days I’m good, but there are still those days when I find myself loathing the idea of being single. I’m human. But God doesn’t fault me for occasionally being in my feelings or for desiring a relationship– after all, love was His idea.
Encouragement:
God loves you so so much! If He has you in a season of singleness, know that there is purpose in it. Don’t discount the beauty of this season. Use this time to not only better yourself, but to grow closer to the One who will forever pursue your heart. What can you be doing now, in this season, to best prepare for your next season? Allow that to be your focus. God knows exactly what you need and will send him or her when you least expect it. Just trust Him.
With Love,
Asia
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